Do not awaken love until it so desires
(Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires. –Ps. 8:4, NIV)
How can I resist not to agree with this verse in my head and heart.
I would have wanted to love, to be, and grow in love.
Five months of pursuit, I didn’t find myself being in that state of being in love.
I thought it would lead to what I have been praying.
Why can’t I just dictate my heart to love this man who showed me nothing but goodness, who patiently waited for me, who prayed for me for years?
Two weeks of silence and I said “No.”
It breaks my heart to remember that. I knew I had hurt him.
I had a covenant. I have a covenant.
And that stands still until God says otherwise
I know He would keep His promise
But would I? I have been trying.
That mystical number.
I made a vow to the Lord.
I will only wait until I am 30.
I am 29. In 3 months, I am 30.
When I reach 30 without meeting the man that I am meant to marry and have a family with,I will live a life of singleness filled with all the love and joy to serve the Lord.
This may sound crazy or even stupid
but this is how I entrust my future to the Author of my life.
Funny how time flies so fast
I made this covenant in prayer when I was 26.
Years have passed and I am sure the Lord will keep His Word
I had peace. I have peace. I choose to stay at peace.
People whom I shared this covenant with, were anxious about it. They worry about my future, my heart, and the life of being “alone.” So what if I’d be single all my life? Love makes the world go round. Love keeps us alive. Love is love regardless if it will be with or without having a significant other.
Do I feel bad about it?
I’d be lying if I say No
I do. Sometimes. But again, I’m at peace.
I know my God. He knows me.
He knows exactly what I need and want.
Too good to be true?
No. Things are perfect in His hands
So God, this fragile heart, which I do not have control of, which I most of the time do not understand, take all of it. Leave me with a choice to just wait and stay in love. After all, my definition of Love will always be You, no matter what. So let’s do this Lord. I am ready.