struggle

Parking Lot

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At 7:55 in the evening, while I am trying to calm my veins as they chill from the work space where I came from I am writing in the parking lot with absolute silence inside a car. All I can hear is the palpitation of my heart and the sound of the keys as I type.

I am panting as if I have a limited time to get everything off my chest. These excruciating thoughts of being in the place where I should have been instead of being parked in the middle of this silence. In this silence… yet my thoughts are unruly.  I am gasping for air to breathe.

Oh how I wish I could just leave all the mess the moment I leave this parking lot. If only I could park the negative thoughts and emotions within, right here at bay 3E and just move forward like I heard nothing, like nothing happened, like I never lost a battle, but truth hurts. It hurts more than anything. Yet it is actually freeing.

Can the world really be a better place if everyone were honest? Would it really make a difference? Maybe or maybe not. I tried to be one but I ended up being in a hollow, meddling with the wound of that one word that I now thought as the end of my trying-to-be-honest-at-all-times

I would keep quiet. I won’t say a word. I was caught off guard by that one word. That word that could have been the truth that I cannot just accept. I felt helpless. I thought I fainted to death.

Yet that truth will still hold true, I will come out strong from this struggle. I know that for sure. Avenge your child, Lord.

Avenge me from my own destructive self.
Avenge me from the real enemy.

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